Daily Diary #3
3 Jan 2024

Today, I was thinking about emotions. My friends say I am way too emotional, and I also feel that I am. When someone says something hurtful to me, I feel something in my heart; it's like my heart starts crying. So yes, I am emotional, but the truth is I chose to be emotional when I was 16. In my teenage years, I thought it was bad to be emotional. I never cried in front of anyone; I was used to crying on the terrace but never showed my emotional side to anyone because I thought being emotional or showing emotions makes you feel weak. I also didn't show my love to anyone. I dreamt of being alone because I thought if I loved someone, it would become my weakness.

But later, as I grew up and met some beautiful people and became familiar with the concept of accepting yourself the way you are, I learned that I had been hiding the emotional, fun-loving, and real me behind a mask that I used to wear those days. The mask always showed everyone I am strong, but inside I was so weak that I thought about ending my life. It's in the past now; I found out that being your real self matters a lot. Doing and showing what you feel instead of pretending to be rude and strong is the best practice. I have been doing this for like 3-4 years. I am happy and enjoy myself. The only problem that has come with it is that I like behaving like a child who is emotional, gets angry, and gets happy. But everyone around me expects the mature me. In these 4 years, it has happened a million times that people constantly tell me to be the old, mature me instead of this joyful, jubilant girl. I don't care much about their opinion, but when someone who loves you tells you these things, it makes you question: Are you doing everything right?